seventeen.

so according to the LA Times,

the dude responsible for Cloverfield

is "sinking his teeth into" Let The Right One In,

a Swedish vampire film that is perfect

in every

imaginable

way

end

of

story

i'm really sort of torn

while i can respect that he wants to keep true

to the original tale of it being 2 children,

versus amping up their age

and making it Twilight #2

(and i can say that because I am, despite myself, a Twilight fan)

I DON'T like the fact

that this film is only a YEAR OLD

ONE YEAR OLD

and they're already remaking it?

because Americans are lazy,

and don't want to watch something

and read subtitles at the same time?

eh

more on this as it develops

sixteen.

i really love my girlfriends,

with my whole heart

all these years later,

when i tried to picture back then

who i'd be close to now

i'm so glad

that it's these girls that have remained

fifteen.

i sat down,

and i wrote it all out

for me,

for myself

no one else

and i woke this morning,

something of myself again.

fourteen.

"suddenly, all I can think about are all the things I don't know about him. all the things I never had time to learn. I don't know if his feet are ticklish or how long his toes are. I don't know what nightmares he had as a child. I don't know which stars are his favorites, what shapes he sees in the clouds. I don't know what he is truly afraid of or what memories he holds closest. and I don't have enough time now, never enough time. I want to be in the moment with him, feel his body against mine and think of nothing else, but my mind explodes with grief for all that I am missing. all that I will miss. all that I have wasted."

- the forest of hands and teeth. carrie ryan.

twelve.

and in the vain of improvisational films,
i have an audition on the 27th for a film being submitted to a 48 hour film festival here in town

without revealing too many details,
it's a short film that could potentially be submitted to sundance if all goes as planned

the character i'm auditioning for is in her early 20's,
completely troubled, maybe even bipolar
but feircely loyal to her abusive, alcoholic boyfriend

heavy heavy heavy
love love love

and the best part?
the film is almost entirely improv

eleven.

the girlfriend experience

I really enjoyed it,
and I was quite impressed by sasha grey's performance

rumor has it a good deal of the script
was actually thrown out,
and a majority of the film is improvised

it's also a fantastic study in the political climate of the time,
with the mccain/obama election race, the economy in the toilet

ten.

"don’t say no to me. you can’t say no to me, because it’s such a relief to have love again and to lie in bed and be held and touched and kissed and adored and your heart will leap when you hear my voice, and see my smile and feel my breath on your neck. and your heart will race when I want to see you. and I will lie to you from day one and use you and screw you and break your heart because you broke mine first, and you will love me more each day until the weight is unbearable and your life is mine and you’ll die alone because I will take what I want then walk away and owe you nothing. it’s always there, its alway been there. and you cannot deny the life you feel - fuck that life, fuck that life, fuck that life, fuck that life - I have lost you now."

- crave. sarah kane.

nine.

this is the loneliest i've felt in a very long time.
i feel sort of like i'm sinking,
and there's really no end in sight for how painful this really is for me.

i can't even open my mouth,
for fear of falling into some sort of category

pyscho
desperate
needy
clingy
completely
fucking
insane

i'm not happy
with anything
and nothing seems more appealing,
than migrating south
wherever south may be
and being alone

blissfully
peacefully
uncomprimisingly
left alone

leave
me
alone

eight.

i really enjoyed the curious case of benjamin button.
tilda swinton is always amazing, as is cate blanchett.
i think had i a career to aspire for,
it would be cate's.

seven.

today,
i joined the land of the unemployed.







i can't seem to care.

six.

bonnaroo!

what an amazing time.
we left nashville on wednesday afternoon,
arrived in manchester around 7:30 and set up camp.
our set-up was pretty incredible, i must say;
we were "international" as our neighbors said (we had flags for japan, britian and nigeria flying high)
and they appreciated how easy it was to find their own camps in the drug/alcohol/heat daze.

wednesday was chill.
we grilled steaks and met our neighbors and strung up LED lights.
we all got to bed fairly early to prepare for the weekend,
but mother nature had plans of her own.

rain, rain and more rain!

thursday was spent napping off and on all day,
due to rain and some pretty scary winds.
however, we did make it to people under the stairs which was hype (not to mention very wet, because it rained AGAIN)
i also stopped in on the whole foods market and "had a bone to pick" with the manager,
for not rewarding neither lindsay nor i 2 tickets after we both wrote at least 20 haiku's.
they gave me a free popsicle.
i ate it in her honor.

friday was a blast as well. i spent a majority of the day wondering around centeroo,
mandy in tow. i tried to keep her as busy as possible --
she's attempting to distance herself from her ex, who just won't seem to bugger off
and let her have her closure.

(i can relate)

we saw gomez (incredible), animal collective (i was disappointed in the sound guy), yeah yeah yeah's (karen o = hot) and tv on the radio (also incredible).

and because i saw all of those back to back at the which stage,
i missed girl talk and crystal castles because i fell asleep.
lame lame lame.

saturday was bon iver and the mars volta and i have to say, that was my favorite day out of the stretch.
bon iver is so fantastic and they're all so humble,
and so gifted.
they played all of the songs i wanted most to hear (creature fear, flume, blood bank),
and they sound just like they do on their records.

and the volta?
oh man.
i've seen the light.
i'm a fan.

saturday night was spent at nine inch nails and MGMT,
and hosting a mini-davidson academy class of '05 reunion at the which stage.
kristin phillips made it out, but to my surprise i also bumped into
brandon womack, brady mcdaniel, cage major, andrew hunter
and brandon gaines (it's been a minute!)

all in all, it was a fantastic bonnaroo experience (minus the rain),
but i'm glad to be home and showered and back with my kitty.

five.

through manchester heat
music takes over me
my summer lover lives


i've been writing haikus for an hour and a half,
trying to win a ticket for lindsay.

here's hoping.

four.

"along the rim of the hole, the Christmas lights are soft and mysterious, and Sarah takes her place in my arms. I don't know what to tell her, except it wasn't our universe.

she seems to stiffen.

'such bullshit," she snarls. "I'm in the other universe. nothing here! washout- colossal fucking drag. you should've loved me. you know that, don't you? we could've been happy. all those places we could've seen, Paris and East Berlin. that honeymoon that I never had. oh Christ, we could've had it. diapers and rattles and all those nights together. Is that too sentimental? I don't mean to sound morbid, but I'm dead, and there's only one universe that counts. you should've loved me. that's all I mean, we should've made promises to each other and kept them, like vows, and we should've unzipped each other and crawled inside and been honest and true and loving, just loving, all the time, and we should've done everything we didn't do. we should've taught each other things. we should've had Christmas together- is that silly? eat lobster and open the presents and make love and go to church and believe in God and make love again and light candles on the tree and listen to records and have oyster stew at midnight and go to bed and smell the pin needles and sleep and wake up and still be together. it's a little sad, isn't it? it's sad that we could've been so happy."

- the nuclear age. tim o'brien.

three.

my aunt and uncle's 50th wedding anniversary was june 5th,
so i dedicated my second to last sabrina fair performance to them


how incredible ...
to be married for 50 years


that takes serious love,
work and dedication -- to say the least.
and while it's far from a fairytale (what marriage ever is?),
i think it's safe to say they've both found their happy ending

jim and ann goff circa 1972

two.

i saw this posted on CL earlier.
even with a canon rebel i can't say i'm much of a photog,
but what fun it would be ...

" if you are ALREADY attending Bonnaroo Music festival and have photography experience we would love to hear from you! We are looking for someone to photograph young stylish individuals over the course of the festival. Look at the Satorialist photos and other street blogging sites if you are unclear of what we are looking for. We are an online fashion trend magazine. If you fashion knowledge and photography experience.. please send your resume/ portfolio. Great way to make $ at a concert! "



i'm very excited for bonnaroo
this will be my second year and i'd like to think i'm something of a seasoned patron now,
considering the (several) experiences i had in 2007
the line-up is pretty phenomenal, too

the in-crowd: beastie boys, NIN, oakenfold, volta, tv on the radio, yeah yeah yeah's, mgmt, band of horses, girl talk (!!!!!), bon iver, animal collective, gomez, femi kuti (big up's to fela), crystal castles (will be hype), portugal.the man, cage the elephant.

of course i'll check out others,
as well as the comedy tent for triumph and jimmy fallon

but i'm mostly excited for,
camping
sunbathing
heart shaped shades
braids and daisy chains
muddy feet
falling asleep to the distant sound of music
waking with the birds, and morning dew
dancing from stage to stage
centeroo
meet-up's with old friends

first.

i've never truly felt as if i've belonged, anywhere
i seem to always have had one foot plantly firmly in my past,
and the other some how just managed to skirt at the edge of my future,
the "what could be" and the "what's to come".

i keep holding out for the day, the week, the month, the year when i'll feel home
content, at peace
one with myself, and whole

being the sort of person that i am, i've always held my breath
held out for what i know is inevitably impossible
and so the let down hits tenfold, and i'm left with this inescapable square one mentality

i'm left hurting
confused
and alone

i'm eager to decompress amongst friends and music,
and the sunshine

My darling was naked, and knowing my heart well,
She was wearing only her sonorous jewels,
Whose opulent display made her look triumphant
Like Moorish concubines on their fortunate days.
When it dances and flings its lively, mocking sound,
This radiant world of metal and of gems
Transports me with delight; I passionately love
All things in which sound is mingled with light.